It’s 7:15 PM. You’re still at your desk, or maybe you’re home but still mentally at work. Someone texts asking how you’re doing. You type back “Good, busy!” and hit send.
Because what else are you supposed to say?
That you’re exhausted but can’t slow down? That you feel like everyone’s counting on you and you can’t let them see you struggle? That lately it feels like you’re carrying everything alone, and honestly, you’re not sure how much longer you can keep this up?
We don’t say those things. Especially not when you’ve worked this hard to get where you are.
But here’s what I’ve learned, both from my own journey and from working with senior leaders: The myth that high-performers have to go it alone isn’t just wrong—it’s actually what’s holding us back.
The Weight We Don’t Talk About
When you’re good at what you do, people assume you’ve got it handled. And maybe you do, technically. The work gets done. The targets get hit. From the outside, it looks like you’re crushing it.
But inside? There’s this constant hum of pressure. The decisions that keep you up at night. The weight of knowing that your choices affect people’s livelihoods, careers, futures. The isolation that comes with senior leadership—fewer peers who really understand what you’re dealing with, fewer people you feel safe being honest with.
You start to believe that asking for support is a sign of weakness. That leaning on others means you’re not capable. That if you’re truly excellent, you should be able to handle everything yourself.
So you keep going. You push through. You get really good at looking fine when you’re not.
And the stress compounds. Because here’s the thing about carrying everything alone—it doesn’t just make the load heavier. It fundamentally changes how your body and brain process stress.
<aside> 📊
Performance Insight: Research from the American Psychological Association shows that people with strong social support networks have 50% lower risk of stress-related health problems. More importantly, neuroimaging studies reveal that simply knowing someone is there—even if you haven’t asked for help yet—reduces activity in brain regions associated with threat detection and stress response.
</aside>
What’s Actually Happening When You’re Isolated
When you face challenges alone, your nervous system stays in a heightened state. Your body interprets isolation during stress as a threat signal—because evolutionarily, being alone during danger meant you were vulnerable.
This triggers a cascade: elevated cortisol, increased inflammation, disrupted sleep, impaired decision-making. The irony is brutal: The more you try to handle everything yourself to prove your capability, the more your actual performance degrades.
I see this pattern constantly with executives. They pride themselves on being self-sufficient. They’ve built their careers on being the one who solves problems, not the one who has them. So when stress builds, they double down on working harder, sleeping less, pushing through.
And it works. Until it doesn’t.
What breaks isn’t usually the workload. It’s the isolation. The sense that no one really gets it. That you can’t let your guard down anywhere. That vulnerability is a luxury you can’t afford.
The Tuesday That Changed My Perspective
I remember sitting in my car in the parking garage after a particularly brutal week. A deal had fallen through. A key team member had resigned. I’d been working 14-hour days trying to hold everything together, and I was running on empty.
My phone rang. It was a friend I hadn’t talked to in weeks—someone who’d been through their own version of this. They weren’t calling because they knew I was struggling. They just wanted to check in.
I almost said “I’m good, just busy.” It was right there, ready to go.
Instead, I said, “Honestly, I’m not doing great.”
What happened next surprised me. They didn’t try to fix anything. They didn’t offer advice or tell me what I should do differently. They just listened. Then they said, “Yeah, that sounds really hard. I’m here if you need to talk through any of it.”
That was it. Ten-minute conversation. But something shifted.
<aside> 💡
Client Spotlight: A VP I work with was convinced she had to have all the answers before bringing challenges to her leadership team. After we worked on building connection first, she started sharing strategic dilemmas more openly. Within three months, not only did her stress levels drop measurably, but her team started bringing her better intelligence earlier—because they saw her modeling that it was safe to not have everything figured out.
</aside>
The next day, I reached out to three other people. Not asking for anything specific. Just reconnecting. Opening the door to being more honest about what I was actually dealing with.
Within two weeks, I had real conversations with all three. One introduced me to someone who’d navigated a similar business challenge. Another just listened while I processed out loud. The third shared their own struggle, and somehow that mutual vulnerability made everything feel less isolating.
The problems didn’t magically disappear. The workload didn’t lighten. But my capacity to handle it expanded dramatically. Because I wasn’t carrying it alone anymore.
Small Steps Toward Real Connection
You don’t need to overhaul your entire life or suddenly become vulnerable with everyone. Start small. Start where it feels manageable.
Identify your core three — Think about three people who’ve been through something similar, who you genuinely respect, who you could be more honest with. Not people you need to impress. People who feel safe. Write their names down. That’s it for now. Just knowing who they are matters.
Practice the honest check-in — Next time someone asks how you’re doing, try giving a real answer. Not the full download. Just one level more honest than usual. “It’s been a heavy week” instead of “Fine.” “I’m managing, but it’s a lot right now” instead of “Good, busy.” See what happens. You might be surprised how often people meet you there.
Create a no-agenda connection — Reach out to one person from your core three. Not to ask for anything. Not to solve a problem. Just to connect. Coffee, a walk, a phone call. The goal isn’t to unload—it’s just to be in the presence of someone who gets it. Let the conversation go where it goes.
Share one dilemma, not a solution — When you’re working through something challenging, try bringing the dilemma to someone before you’ve figured out the answer. Not as weakness—as strategic thinking. “I’m working through X, and I’m trying to decide between Y and Z. What do you see that I might be missing?” This invites perspective without requiring you to have it all figured out first.
Build reciprocity — Support works both ways. When someone shares something with you, don’t rush to fix it. Just listen. Ask questions. Be present. The more you practice receiving others’ experiences without judgment, the safer you make it for yourself to share yours.
You don’t have to do all of this at once. Pick one thing. Try it this week. See what shifts.
<aside> ⚠️
Reality Check: Building real support takes time, especially if you’ve been operating independently for years. Some relationships won’t go deeper, and that’s okay. Not everyone needs to be in your core circle. Focus on quality over quantity, and don’t force connections that don’t feel genuine.
</aside>
What Integration Actually Looks Like
Once you start building these connections, maintenance becomes easier than you think. It’s not about constant communication or dramatic gestures.
It’s the text you send when you see an article that reminds you of someone. The five-minute call when you’re between meetings. The honesty when someone asks how you really are.
Over time, you’ll notice you recover from setbacks faster. Not because the challenges are smaller, but because you’re not processing them in isolation. You’ll make better decisions, because you have trusted perspective to gut-check your thinking. You’ll feel less depleted at the end of hard weeks, because the weight is distributed differently.
And here’s what nobody tells you: Being supported doesn’t make you weaker. It makes you more sustainable. More effective. More human.
The executives I work with who’ve built real support networks aren’t less capable. They’re more resilient. They take smarter risks because they have people to process with. They lead with more confidence because they’re not pretending to be invincible.
After 2-4 weeks of consistent practice, most people report that the vulnerability that initially felt risky starts to feel like relief. You stop performing strength and start operating from it.
Coach’s Note
I used to think that asking for support was admitting I couldn’t handle my life. Now I understand it differently: Having people you can be real with isn’t a crutch. It’s the foundation that makes everything else possible. The clients who build this first—before optimizing anything else—consistently report that it’s the single change that made the biggest difference.
If this resonates, save it. Share it with someone who might need to hear it. And if you’re ready to build your own support structure with expert guidance, I have openings for 1:1 coaching. Let’s talk.